3 VITAL INSIGHTS TO PREVENT PARENTAL BURNOUT DURING THE TODDLER PHASE | Multiples Heaven (2023)

Everything is a mess and you are feeling less of a mother or father. Your twins’ toddler phase has left you overwhelmed, inefficient, stressed not to mention the emotional distance which has been created between you and your children. This is known as parental burnout. No parent wants to go through this and experience such hard emotions, yet in most instances, true to tales by parents of twins, it is inevitable. Parenting can be a stressful journey and the first step to preventing parental burnout is to understand the vital insights of what characterizes the twin toddler phase.

Insight number #1: Toddler development milestones.

The toddler phase kicks off at 12 months up to 36 months.During this phase, a lot of child development milestones are realized. Here isan outline of the toddler development phases. As twins are different individuals,their development milestones may vary. They will not be far off behind eachother either.

12 months

The twins can stand well with their legs apart and theirarms outstretched or placed overhead for balance. They can walk independentlyfrom one point to the other or with the help of a caregiver or furniture. Theyare yet to have an upright stance and they walk with wobbly steps. Their speechstarts to progress.

Able to finger feed themselves using a mature pincer grasp.When they spot an object they like, they point at it expressing their interest.

15 months

At this phase, they combine babbling and words in theirlanguage as they continue to learn more words. They can follow simpleinstructions and retrieve objects when asked by the caregiver. Emotional developmentintensifies and they identify with the emotions of their twin, immediate familyor people they come into contact with. A strong empathy starts to build andtheir twin bond matures to some extent.

They can build towers and scribble on paper, their grip onthe crayon is sloppy but good progress.

18 months

The motor skills improve and now they can run, seatthemselves in a chair and make a tower four cubes high. Their word count rangesbetween 10-25 words.

Possessiveness and the ‘mine’ phrase develops at this age.Through observation, the twins imitate adult actions like picking phone callsand hosting tea parties. The possessiveness may result in conflict as they donot want to share their toys and anything they label as ‘mine’ with others.

After doing the wrong thing, feelings of shame, guilt, andsadness follow.

24 months

Motor skills are further developed and they can throwobjects, kick a ball, draw circles and lines. At this age, they can undressthemselves independently though some children may need help. If one twin seesthe other undressing independently, they may try to do it too by copying theirtwin.

Investing in toddler gates will be of huge benefit astoddlers aged 24 months can turn doorknobs and get into other rooms. Curiosityis never enough at this age.

Their speech word count increases to between 50 and 200words and sentences have two words which are related but lacking a verb“Mommy, play.”

When you call out their name, they respond and may havestarted recognizing the names of immediate family members.

36 months

This is the final age before a child transitions into thepre-school age. Sentences have verbs and more words and basically, they canhold a conversation with you and their twins. They identify their gender aswell as that of others.

Socialization, creativity and individuality development takes root in this age. Learn how to identify toddler twin behavior here.

Insight number #2: Twin Toddlers Fun activities.

If you are to preserve your sanity and prevent parental burnout, you need to keep your toddler twins engaged in activities that help them grow and reach those development milestones while keeping everyone happy and at peace. Most toddlers will enjoy having an assortment of toys and chasing each other around while others would want to go for outing and epic child adventures. This can be taxing for parents without help and striking a balance can prove challenging.

Understand the personality of each twin and engage them inactivities that they best relate to. Where twins have different interests, helpwill come in handy. Have your partner take one twin to the park while engagingthe other twin in an activity that she enjoys. Below are activities that aretailored to develop hand-eye- coordination, color and shape sorting, fine motorskills and number practice.

1) Obstacle course. This is a great indoor game fordays when the weather inhibits play dates at the park. Create the obstaclecourse using boxes and blankets while making sure that everything is toddlerproofed.

2) Music and dancing. Your toddler twins will enjoysome upbeat music and dancing around a room. It can be made into a familyactivity to encourage bonding and teamwork.

3) Blocks and books. Children love to try things outand building the highest block tower will excite them. If they are havingproblems and reacting negatively to failure, divert their attention to anotheractivity and encourage them to try later. Picture and coloring books will evokecreativity and help a child to identify with their environment better.

4) Laundry basket rescue mission– this can be a powerful tool to foster a twin bond. You can have them retrieve toys for each other and as a means to solve conflicts and makeups after fierce competition and squabbles.

Insight number #3: Dealing with twin toddler temper tantrums

Tantrums are sure to lead you to a point of insanity whenwrongly handled. They are characterized by aggressive crying, kicking,screaming and in some cases breaking and throwing of closest objects. Twins arelikely to copy and escalate the behavior of each other leading to the infamoustwin escalation syndrome.

Tantrums are most likely as a result of stress, hunger, anda frustrating environment.

A child who is unable to express emotions is likely to have a meltdown of temper tantrums, especially in public unfamiliar places. When dealing with toddler temper tantrums, NASP recommends to;

1) Stay calm.

Shouting and trying to reason with a toddler in a tantrumstate will yield no result. It will only fuel the tantrum and everybody will befrustrated. Stay calm during this situation and let the tantrum wear off.You’ll be thinking more clearly when you are not screaming your lungs off.

2) Acknowledge theemotion.

Your child is likely to calm down when you acknowledge thebig intimidating emotion they are unable to express.

“You’ll build a taller tower with more exercise.”

“First times can be hard. You are doing great.”

Everybody craves reassurance and more so children. Try itout and see the wonders it works.

3) Manage thetriggers.

Tantrums are a result of different emotions, environments,and feelings that a toddler cannot relate to or express. Is it hunger duringshopping time? Try feeding your child before outings and activities.

New environment? Talk to your child and describe what theenvironment will be like. Point out features that will interest them to givethem a sense of familiarity.

Big emotions? Talk, let them ask questions and use fun waysof teaching about frustration, failure, conflict, and pain.

4) Consistency whendealing with toddler tantrums.

Appeasing a tantrum by granting a child’s impractical demandand shouting at them tomorrow will result in more tantrums. A consistent andfirm approach to tantrum management will give the child an understanding ofwhat is expected of them and reduce tantrum episodes.

Preventing Parental Burnout

Psychology Today says that twins have the same developmental needs as single babies, but the psychological situation of twins and their parents is more complex.” Parents have to divide their time, love and attention to two individuals with the same development needs yet distinct individuals. This is in turn a huge deal for parents to twins. How do one coordinate schedules, have time to take care of self and give time to her partner. To prevent parental burnout,

1) Recharge

Taking care of your self is taking care of your child.Toddlers will need to recharge energy, love, and care from you. If your energyis 0%, then there is not much to offer your twin toddlers. Invest in a goodnanny and allow yourself an hour or two to rediscover your passions andinterests. Go out on a date, a spa visit or any other thing to recharge yourspirits. You’ll be guaranteed more energy and provide better care for yourbabies.

2) Focus on what matters most currently.

A line up of all chores that comes with raising twintoddlers can leave your head feeling heavy and your body longing for anextended vacation away from all parental stressors. Focus on what needs to bedone now and do it. You are not superhuman and multitasking everything isimpossible. Small goals and a task list will give a better insight of what isurgent.

3) Join a support group.

People who understand, people who care and help you reduceburnout will ease the stress of parenting. Join a twin community and reach outfor help before everything becomes overwhelming.

Parental burnout can be an unnerving and disliked situationwith detrimental effects on both parents and children. Nabbing it before itprogresses will guarantee that you can provide the care that your twin toddlersrequire and allow you some peace of mind. Understand the needs of your twintoddlers, develop a twin schedule for feeding, playtime, bathing, andactivities to give you more leeway when it comes to managing time. But most ofall, remember you are human too. Take a break and recharge.